I forget to remember

I forget to remember the truth,
But when I do I wish it remained forgotten.
Its better being swayed all day in one's imaginations, than being shown that that there is nothing left of your aspirations.
Even that small ray of hope i thought i saw, was some drawing daylight going under the shaw.
I realise there is nothing left for me here, the land i once thought was all mine to bear.
I'm standing in the same place I stood that day when I had a choice, I chose wrong I know but now I can do nothing here.
I sometimes try & forget that any of this ever happened, but then I get reminded..& I wish, that it all went forgotten.